Before I got married, like most 20- and 30-somethings, I did my fair share of wining and dining and painting the town red. It was fun while it lasted.

Today, with a home in the suburbs and four children under the roof, my wife and I are certifiably too encumbered to get into Boston for dinner, drinks and dancing. It’s just not our time to party. Sure, we still enjoy the night life and we’re certainly not housebound, but it’s a lot easier for us – and frankly, more affordable – to eat out nearby instead of venturing into town.

Every once in a while, though, I’ll open up one of those roadside newspaper boxes and pick up a free copy of The Improper Bostonian, where we’ll read all about how – sigh – the other half lives. For us, it’s the next best thing to being there, a vicarious pleasure. It’s our little window on everything we’re missing out on at this time in our lives, but nothing we haven’t done before ourselves.

Needless to say, my wife and I are not exactly prototypical readers of The Improper Bostonian. In fact, according to the magazine’s Web site, the average age of their readership is 34, 77% of whom are single. And ranking highest among these reader’s leisure activities is – no, not shuttling the little ones to birthday parties, soccer games, piano lessons and school dances – attendance at bars, clubs and restaurants. Which explains why I was able to count so many – approximately three dozen – ads for such establishments in a recent issue of the magazine.

While feasting my eyes on this smorgasbord of advertisements, however, I couldn’t help but ponder which ones whet the appetites of other readers like me, which ones might actually bring new customers to the tables.

And so, like a discriminating food critic would evaluate the quality of his or her meal, I have taken it upon myself to speculate which of these restaurant ads are most effective, ranking the ten best – in my opinion – among all those served up in the March 23-April 5 edition of The Improper Bostonian.

Bob’s Top Ten Restaurant Ads (from The Improper Bostonian, March 23-April 5, 2005)

#10 – Anna’s Taqueria

Boston’s Best Burrito
1999, 2000, 2001,
2002, 2003, 2004
– The Improper Bostonian

Anna’s Taqueria
Burritos & Tacos To Go!

Bob’s comment: “A relatively bland ad for one of the hottest restaurants in town with a record of success that, yes, speaks for itself.”

# 9 – GYUHAMA of Japan

“fish is good for you unless you’re a fish”

Gyuhama of Japan
Sushi House

Bob’s comment: “With the construction of its own quirky aphorism, Gyuhama gets the attention of – and a laugh from – its audience at fish’s expense.”

#8 – Legal Sea Foods

Taste the Legal Difference
We could tell you our seafood is the freshest. But we’d rather prove it.

Legal Sea Foods

Bob’s comment: “One of the best seafood restaurants in the whole country, never mind Boston, makes a big splash with this ad.”

#7 – Parish Café and Bar

This ain’t no joke…
SPRING is finally here!
Patio opens April 1st

Parish Café and Bar

Bob’s comment: “If you open it, they will come.”

#6 – Big City

Pool Hall – Pizza Kitchen – Beer Bar

Thirsty Thursday
Buy a Table Tap, get your choice of nachos, pizza or fries FREE

Tuesday is Ladies Night

25 Cent Wings
During Pats, Sox, Celts & Bruins games!

80 Beers on Tap
20 Pool Tables
Foosball
Full Menu ‘til 1AM
Weekend Brunch 10 – 3 PM

Big City

Bob’s comment: “One of the busier ads in the magazine for what I’m guessing is one of the busiest places to eat in the city.”

#5 – Vox Populi

THIS IS THE TYPE OF BAR WHERE EVERYONE SEEMS ATTRACTIVE, EVEN AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NIGHT.

Vox Populi

Bob’s comment: “This is the type of ad that everyone seems to pay attention to, even if it is one of dozens in the magazine.”

#4 – Cactus Club

“I’d do ANYTHING for a MARGARITA”

Cactus Club

Bob’s comment: “And I’d walk a mile for a Camel – not!”

#3 – Rebecca’s Café Special Events

The Recipe…

1 cup of great menu planning
1 cup of personalization
1 cup of professional partnership

Leads into a Great Special Event

Rebecca’s Café Special Events

Bob’s comment: “One of the most original restaurant ads of all, using a concept – the recipe – made from scratch.”

#2 – Fire + Ice

Why pay round-trip prices if you only travel one way?
INTRODUCING OUR ONE-TRIP DINNER OPTION
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights for only $12.95*
(Includes one trip to our fresh markets, one trip to our salad bar, rice and fresh tortillas)
*FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!

Fire + Ice

Bob’s comment: “Their food gets rave reviews. Their advertising is just as good.”

#1 – Pho Republique

Fee, Fi, Pho, Fun

Sophisticated Asian Food, Exotic Cocktails, Casual Dress

Pho Republique

Bob’s comment: “A tongue-twisting headline for a mouth-watering meal!”

If you haven’t gotten around to it yet, don’t hesitate any longer to pick up a copy of The New Marketing Conversation: Creating and Strengthening Relationships Between Buyers and Sellers. Written by Donna Baier-Stein and Alexandra MacAaron, both past presidents of the New England Direct Marketing Association (NEDMA), it’s a comprehensive model for marketing in the new millennium, an indispensable guide for anyone selling, well, anything.

Speaking of NEDMA, those who attended the association’s 26th Annual Paul Butterworth Copywriting Seminar the other night in Boston heard from a trio of illustrious direct marketers, all previous winners of the New England Direct Marketer of the Year award – Steven Tharler (Tharler/Opper), Nancy Harhut (Hill, Holliday) and Tracy Emerick (Taurus Direct Marketing). This free seminar – named after the late, great copywriter whose innovative DM approaches are still being used successfully today – is one of NEDMA’s perennially shining moments, and this time around it was sponsored by ProofreadNOW, a business-to-business professional proofreading service.

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to welcome two other direct marketing pros – and fellow copywriters, no less – to the blogosphere. Bob McCarthy, yet another past president of NEDMA, is now sharing his wealth of knowledge as The Direct Response Coach, a blog he launched just a couple of months ago. And Jonathan Kranz, author of Writing Copy for Dummies, recently launched Kranz on Communications, “an evolving compendium of perspectives on effective marketing communications.” Ideally, their willingness to so openly opine and converse will – akin to Bob Bly’s blogging debut – attract a new legion of marketers (e.g., their own respective clients and constituencies) to the blogosphere and help this revolutionary, self-publishing platform reach critical mass in the industry in which I earn my livelihood.

People “do stupid things” and “don’t always use common sense,” according to two different ads – for Vonage and UnitedHealthcare respectively – that appeared in the latest edition (March 11-13, 2005) of USA WEEKEND, the Sunday newspaper magazine supplement.

If I hadn’t laughed out loud when I first saw these ads, I might have been insulted.

Coincidentally, both ads use similar headlines and are able to get away with poking fun at their audience by breaking one of the cardinal rules of copywriting: Anyone who writes headlines in advertising knows to address customers and prospects in the second person, “you.” It’s one of the easiest ways to command the immediate attention of your readership.

But in these two instances, the headlines were purposely impersonalized by using the indefinite pronoun, “people,” as the subject, and not the personal pronoun, “you.” This simple, but significant, tactic by the wordsmiths made it possible for each of these ads to come across as funny and effective, not disrespectful and counterproductive.

“You do stupid things” or “you don’t always use common sense” wouldn’t go over very well at all.

The ad for Vonage – which bills itself as The Broadband Phone Company – really is a hoot. To illustrate just how, uh, stupid people can be, it features a photograph of one small portion of a stark, nondescript parking lot, over which a carport has been erected, the support beams of which are planted smack, dab in between two clearly marked, white-lined parking spaces.

D’oh!

The copy underneath the photo reads: “People do stupid things. Which explains why some haven’t switched to Vonage yet. If you have broadband, you can start saving money. Talk about a no-brainer.”

The concept behind the UnitedHealthcare ad is especially relevant, exceedingly consistent with the company’s tagline, “It just makes sense.” Visually, this one stars a clueless, middle-aged homeowner balancing himself precipitously high up on a ladder, about to annihilate the mother of all bee’s nests with both a long, green garden hose and a motorized weed whacker, clearly not able to anticipate the dire consequences ahead.

Double d’oh!!

“People don’t always use common sense,” reads the short copy block. “Fortunately, there’s a health care company that does.”

To use humor successfully in advertising is a challenge, to say the least. Even the best stand-up comedians are sometimes the butt of their own jokes, after all. But with these two ads, both Vonage and UnitedHealthcare have brought a broad smile to our collective face without overshadowing their products or primary marketing objectives. And for that they deserve applause, if not a good return on their investments.

Believe it or not, the Boston Celtics are looking more and more like a team that will not only make the NBA playoffs this year, but one that could legitimately contend for the Eastern Conference championship.

Of course, much of such new found optimism is a credit to three-time All-Star Antoine Walker, who recently returned to the team with which he played his first seven seasons in the league. In a handful of games with the Celtics since he was acquired from the Atlanta Hawks just a couple of weeks ago, Antoine is playing like the rejuvenated veteran he is, and his teammates seem to have stepped up their game as a result.

Those who follow the Celtics have also responded enthusiastically in kind, packing the FleetCenter – on July 1, to be officially renamed the TD Banknorth Garden – to the rafters and appearing, yes, giddy about the team’s playoff prospects.

The Celtics have been playing like champions – and they’ve been marketing their brand just as well.

Take, for instance, the team’s new green silicone rubber wristbands (not unlike the yellow ones that have called so much attention to the Lance Armstrong Foundation). Sold to the public for $2 each – with all proceeds going to the Boston Celtics Shamrock Foundation, which supports nonprofit organizations providing healthcare, shelter and vital services for New England children – thousands of these little tchotchkes have already been scooped up by rabid fans, who wear them to show their solidarity as much as to make a fashion statement.

Other good examples of the Celtics’ marketing prowess can be found on the team’s Web site. There, you’ll see that the business minds behind the basketball players are clearly cognizant that promoting your product (any product) nowadays means establishing sincere, mutually-beneficial relationships with your customers and constituencies. Legendary NBA basketball franchise or world-renowned manufacturer of widgets – regardless of your superiority – it’s not enough to just pound your chest anymore.

The idea that “if you build it, they will come” is, well, so yesterday.

The fact is, a lot has changed since Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parrish ruled the parquet, and I’m not just talking about the Celtics’ winning ways. Sports today are a business, and fans consumers – with more options and control than ever – who want a reasonable return on their investments of both time and money.

You can’t get away with ignoring the hands that feed you anymore. You can’t afford to default to corporate-speak and old-school communications tactics amid today’s savvy and skeptical purchasing public. Superstars or rising stars, whatever you do as an organization, you need to do it among your devotees, not above them. You need to reach out and embrace those who believe in you and whatever your “team” is selling. You need to follow the Celtics’ example.

At www.celtics.com, you’ll find a section where guard Marcus Banks answers questions from fans (e.g., Q. “Why do you wear number 11?” A. “I always liked Isiah Thomas. Besides, my college number (#3) is retired for Dennis Johnson.”).

You’ll also have the opportunity to follow Delonte’s Diary, rookie Delonte West’s refreshingly down-to-earth take on life in the NBA (e.g., “When I saw the ball on the floor, I knew we had to get control of it, so I just dove down there and grabbed the ball, and my natural reaction was to call the timeout.”).

And, finally, among so many other good things, you’ll be able to read a heartfelt letter Antoine Walker wrote upon returning to the Celtics, in which he confided in fans as follows…

“I just wanted to take a minute to tell you how good it is to be back in the green and white! Since the time I was traded 16 months ago, I hoped that one day I would be in a position to come back to the Celtics and play for this organization again, because this is where I really feel at home. I cannot tell you how happy I was when I got the call from Danny… don’t get me wrong, being traded is a difficult thing. But this is like a storybook situation for me and my family. For us, Boston is home – this is where my roots are. This is where I want to be, and you are who I want to be playing in front of each and every night.”

Any basketball fan around here can enjoy the Celtics’ fine play of late. Like both the Red Sox and Patriots did in the last six months, they’re giving all of us New Englanders reasons to be cheerful. But just as important, any advertising, marketing or PR professional anywhere can learn more than a few good lessons from this storied NBA franchise. The “green” don’t just know how to win games – they also know how to win friends and influence people. And in today’s newfangled marketing arena, that’s how to rise above the competition. And stay there.

Kudos to JWT for re-launching itself just a couple of days ago as a “billion-dollar startup” – it won’t happen overnight, but you can count on a powerful and positive ripple effect throughout the advertising industry.

This was no cheesy publicity stunt, after all. This was the largest advertising agency in the United States proudly – and loudly – formalizing its belief that “time is the new currency of savvy consumers who know what they want and refuse to waste their time on choices that don’t meet their needs.”

This was a watershed moment not just for JWT, but for anyone else who makes a living in advertising, direct marketing, public relations, fundraising and, yes, even in the blogosphere.

What this legendary, 140-year-old agency is acknowledging – and responding to – is a sea change in consumer behavior of which all of us marketing communications types need heed.

“We are now living in a world where the consumer is savvy, time-conscious, easily distracted and in control,” said Bob Jeffrey, Chief Executive of JWT Worldwide. “Today’s consumer is totally at odds with dumbed-down, formulaic, repetitive, voluminous messaging. Our greatest value to clients is our ability to recognize a changing world in which the customer is king, the currency is time and the rewards are measured in the length and strength of relationships. This understanding defines our role, purpose and belief.”

According to a press release, all of JWT’s 8,500-plus employees are signing a Creative Partnership Contract that reiterates the need to “stop interrupting what people are interested in and be what people are interested in.”

This is awesome. This is what Seth Godin has been telling us for years, that the traditional interruption marketing model is gradually giving way to permission marketing, meaning that after marketers have gained the attention and trust of consumers, they have to do everything they can to build mutually-beneficial relationships with them.

You’ve got to love it.

What you’ve got to love even more about JWT’s re-launch, however, is the agency’s plans to auction the office’s time on e-Bay to create a communications campaign for a charity. Barry Krause, President of JWT Chicago, said details of the auction will be announced to corporations, foundations and charity executives over the next week.

“We anticipate that the winning bidder will be a company or individual who can afford the kind of communications campaign that most non-profits cannot,” Krause said. “The winning bidder will designate the 501 ( c ) 3 organization that will benefit. We’re looking forward to giving our time to a worthy organization.”

Finally, when all is said and done, I can’t help but see JWT launching its own blog. Think about it…

In practicing what it’s preaching, a blog may just be the best way for the agency to deepen its relationships with its own constituencies.

A blog would allow JWT to break through the corporate-speak and put on a fresh, trustworthy face.

A blog would make it possible for JWT to establish an open, ongoing dialogue with clients, prospects and influential people without having to lollygag through any of the old-school rites of conventional business courtship.

Given the agency’s new point of view, a blog would probably work wonders for JWT. Wouldn’t you agree?